We respect and understand that people and relationships and situations can be so different and it’s not always the same linear path forward for everyone.
However, the recent violent tragedy, in Daisy Hill prompted us to write this article in the hope that it might assist you, or someone you share it with, caught up in a relationship with an unsafe person.
How to Safely Remove Unsafe People from Your Life
Domestic and family violence is an extremely serious issue in Australia, with staggering statistics revealing its impact. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, approximately one in five adults have experienced physical and/or sexual family and domestic violence since the age of 15. This alarming figure underscores the importance of understanding how to safely remove unsafe people from your life.
Recognizing an Unsafe Person
Some signs are really obvious, Like:
- Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, kicking, throwing objects or other forms of physical violence;
- Sexual abuse: forcing unwanted sexual contact
Some signs are less obvious, and can go unnoticed, or be characterised as too trivial, but they are not.
Examples include:
- Emotional abuse: insults, put downs, blaming, gaslighting, manipulation, refusing to hear your point of view or isolation;
- Financial abuse: controlling access to money or preventing financial independence;
- Threats;
- Angry Outbursts;
- Inability to put anyone else’s interest above their own.
We want to take a moment to highlight one form of domestic violence that often gets dismissed – THREATS.
A threat is a tool used to control others, and it is a form of domestic violence. Threats can be a stepping stone to actual physical violence, because of the absence of respect.
Example of Threats: – Threats to cause harm to you, threats to cause harm to others you care about or a pet and threats to cause self-harm, but they all have the agenda of exercising control.
Threats of violence should not ever be taken lightly. If someone admits they said it but tells you they “didn’t mean it” this is an unsafe person because they SHOULD NEVER HAVE SAID IT. Threats of violence should be taken seriously. If its not reported to police, tell your safety network, family member, friend, police.
Safety Planning: Your First Line of Defence
Creating a safety plan is essential for protecting yourself and your loved ones. This involves:
- Identifying safe places: Determine in advance where you can go if you need to leave your home suddenly.
- Gather essential documents: Collect important documents like passports, birth certificates, and bank, superannuation and other investment records, if applicable.
- Securing financial resources: If possible, open a separate bank account and start saving money.
- Changing contact information: Consider getting a new phone number and email address, including contact details with banks and super funds.
- Informing your safety network (trusted individuals): Share your situation with people you trust, such as friends, family, or a support service.
- Check Your Phone & Computers for surveillance spyware: Logout of all devices remotely (there are simple guides online for how to do this) and use antivirus, if possible.
Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Guide
Leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly challenging. Here are some steps to consider:
- Seek professional help: Contact a domestic violence support service for guidance and support. Organisations like 1800RESPECT offer confidential assistance.
- Have a plan in place: Know where you will go and how you will get there.
- Let someone know: If you have someone in your safety network you can let know. If you are worried, ask them to come along.
- Choose a safe time and place: Break up when the abuser is least likely to be violent, such as in a public place.
- Be clear and direct: Clearly communicate your decision to end the relationship. Avoid blaming or accusing.
- Limit emotional engagement: Stay calm and avoid getting drawn into arguments. Know when to walk away and be silent.
Ongoing Safety
Leaving an abusive relationship is just the beginning. It’s essential to prioritise your safety afterward:
- Change your routines: Vary your daily activities, try to avoid predictable routines.
- Consider a protection order: If necessary, seek legal protection.
- Continue seeking support: Attend support groups or therapy sessions to help you cope and heal.
If you think you might be in need of legal assistance in relation to a relationship breakdown, please reach out to us on 3209 7744.
Before we conclude, we want to express our horror at the act of violence and the sick nature of a plan to harm another person. Our thoughts and prayers are with the deceased’s family. It really was felt around the Daisy Hill community.
If you would like to contribute to the GO FUND ME that has been set up for Keisha’s Family, we have attached the link below: –
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-for-kieshas-family
Remember: Leaving an abusive relationship is a courageous step. You are not alone, and help is available.
Additional Resources:
- 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
- Domestic Violence Womensline (24hrs free call): 1800 811 811
- MensLine Australia: 1800 600 988
- Other resources for Logan
By following these guidelines and seeking professional help, you can increase your chances of safely leaving an abusive relationship and rebuilding your life.
Below are some support services available to anyone in need.
National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service at 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).
If you are ever in danger or feel like you might be in Danger do not be afraid to call the POLICE on 000.
Note: This article provides general information and should not replace professional advice. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please contact a support service immediately.
